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Hoshikaze 2250 :: Consulter le sujet - 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose
Hoshikaze 2250
http://hoshikaze.net/hk-forum/

13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose
http://hoshikaze.net/hk-forum/viewtopic.php?f=74&t=640
Page 1 sur 1

Auteur :  Khellendros [ Mar 7 Sep 2010 19:47 ]
Sujet du message :  13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose


Auteur :  scylliane [ Mar 7 Sep 2010 23:45 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose

Je suis scotchée à la fois par le style fluide, parfois poétique, et le nombre d'éléments de Hoshikaze incorporés !
J'ai lu la nouvelle d'une traite alors que j'étais censée me coucher (et que j'ai cours demain... aÏe)

pour moi un excellent texte à une ou deux tournures près

quelques coquilles demeurent dont une qui peut introduire une légère confusion :
au IX c'est "photons" (pour la photosynthèse) et pas "photos". Sauf si j'ai mal compris.

En tout cas chapeau. L'ordre des séquences est également bien géré, le VI au début surprend mais dès qu'on arrive
au I et que les numéros sont dans l'ordre on comprend pourquoi.

Auteur :  Lauryn [ Ven 10 Sep 2010 08:08 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose

Alors moi, le découpage m'a posé beaucoup de problèmes... parfois je ne savais même plus où j'étais. Je n'ai donc pas tout compris... :|

Auteur :  mutos [ Dim 12 Sep 2010 04:15 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose

Bonjour Lauryn,


A quel moment ? Au début lorsque les titres ne sont pas dans leur ordre attendu, ou bien plus loin dans le récit ?

Auteur :  Lauryn [ Jeu 23 Sep 2010 11:36 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose

Surtout au début mais, en fait, à chaque changement de "section", j'éprouve une gêne car je trouve que la continuité n'est pas évidente. Du coup, le texte n'est pas fluide et l'histoire passe mal alors que le style est plutôt bon, c'est dommage. Peut-être que ma maigre connaissance du monde d'Hoshikaze est responsable d'une partie de cette gêne mais, il faut y penser, quelqu'un dans le même cas que moi sera certainement aussi perturbé.

Mis à part ça, je trouve qu'il y a un peu trop de dialogues. Je suppose que c'est voulu... mais j'ai l'habitude d'entendre "trop de dialogue tue le dialogue". ;)

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