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Hoshikaze 2250 - Consulter le sujet - 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose
Consulter les messages sans réponse | Consulter les sujets actifs Nous sommes actuellement le Jeu 17 Oct 2019 14:17



Répondre au sujet  [ 5 message(s) ] 
 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose 


Le sondage s’est clôturé le Jeu 21 Oct 2010 14:15
50%  50%  [ 3 ]
33%  33%  [ 2 ]
17%  17%  [ 1 ]
0%  0%  [ 0 ]
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Nombre total de votes : 6

 13 - La Nouvelle Symbiose 
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Inscription : Dim 12 Sep 2010 17:15
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Mar 7 Sep 2010 19:47
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Inscription : Mar 27 Juil 2010 22:32
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Je suis scotchée à la fois par le style fluide, parfois poétique, et le nombre d'éléments de Hoshikaze incorporés !
J'ai lu la nouvelle d'une traite alors que j'étais censée me coucher (et que j'ai cours demain... aÏe)

pour moi un excellent texte à une ou deux tournures près

quelques coquilles demeurent dont une qui peut introduire une légère confusion :
au IX c'est "photons" (pour la photosynthèse) et pas "photos". Sauf si j'ai mal compris.

En tout cas chapeau. L'ordre des séquences est également bien géré, le VI au début surprend mais dès qu'on arrive
au I et que les numéros sont dans l'ordre on comprend pourquoi.


Mar 7 Sep 2010 23:45
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Inscription : Lun 26 Juil 2010 17:45
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Localisation : Tourlaville
Alors moi, le découpage m'a posé beaucoup de problèmes... parfois je ne savais même plus où j'étais. Je n'ai donc pas tout compris... :|

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Ven 10 Sep 2010 08:08
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Inscription : Lun 17 Mai 2004 11:13
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Localisation : Près de Paris
Bonjour Lauryn,


A quel moment ? Au début lorsque les titres ne sont pas dans leur ordre attendu, ou bien plus loin dans le récit ?

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Dim 12 Sep 2010 04:15
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Inscription : Lun 26 Juil 2010 17:45
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Surtout au début mais, en fait, à chaque changement de "section", j'éprouve une gêne car je trouve que la continuité n'est pas évidente. Du coup, le texte n'est pas fluide et l'histoire passe mal alors que le style est plutôt bon, c'est dommage. Peut-être que ma maigre connaissance du monde d'Hoshikaze est responsable d'une partie de cette gêne mais, il faut y penser, quelqu'un dans le même cas que moi sera certainement aussi perturbé.

Mis à part ça, je trouve qu'il y a un peu trop de dialogues. Je suppose que c'est voulu... mais j'ai l'habitude d'entendre "trop de dialogue tue le dialogue". ;)

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Jeu 23 Sep 2010 11:36
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