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Hoshikaze 2250 :: Consulter le sujet - 05 - Mauvais contact
Hoshikaze 2250
http://hoshikaze.net/hk-forum/

05 - Mauvais contact
http://hoshikaze.net/hk-forum/viewtopic.php?f=74&t=622
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Auteur :  Cialf [ Mer 18 Août 2010 15:15 ]
Sujet du message :  05 - Mauvais contact


Auteur :  Soulnight [ Sam 11 Sep 2010 18:27 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

Passionnant.
Rien à redire, si ce n'est un peu long... Mais on veut toujours en savoir plus donc pour un lecteur averti pas de difficulté, pour un néophyte par contre.

Auteur :  mutos [ Dim 12 Sep 2010 04:32 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

Bonjour Boris,


Qu'est-ce qui te donne cette impression de longueur ? Le rythme de l'action ? Les descriptions ? Est-elle plus présente à certains endroits particuliers ?

Auteur :  Soulnight [ Dim 12 Sep 2010 19:24 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

Le rythme de l'action est trop lent quand les deux entité ne se comprennent pas. ça traine en longueur. Quelques ellipses ou narration plus rapide des protagoniste pourrait améliorer le tout.

Ou tout simplement des description ou donner de la profondeur à certains personnages (par exemple le chargé de communication) pour rassurer le lecteur.

Là ça fait ambiance de film sous-marin des 80' ^^

Auteur :  scylliane [ Dim 19 Sep 2010 20:41 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

Un très bon texte à mon goût, très intéressante psychologie des navigateurs.
Je n'ai pas ressenti la lenteur mais c'est vrai que je pensais que ça allait finir plus tôt.
La fin seulement m'a déçue quelque peu, disons que c'est au lecteur d'imaginer ce qui se passe... une fin ouverte, pourquoi pas après tout, mais on a attendu longtemps jusqu'au bout du texte
en se disant : on va en savoir plus, lisons jusqu'au bout, et finalement, il n'y a pas vraiment de chute à mon sens.

Auteur :  Cialf [ Lun 20 Sep 2010 19:38 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

En fait, c'est la préquelle d'une nouvelle du précédent recueil, Le Secret des Leïnth. Mais c'est vrai que si on ne connaît pas la suite, la chute est assez obscure. Il faudra que j'y réfléchisse.

Auteur :  mutos [ Ven 1 Oct 2010 19:54 ]
Sujet du message :  Re: 05 - Mauvais contact

Bonjour à tous,


Voilà, mis en ligne la version remaniée. Effectivement, c'est plus clair et plus indépendant de la suite.

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